She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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