Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
my poor anus
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
