I just saw a hot homeless man
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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