Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
