you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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