Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
