Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
