Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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