if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
