I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Randomize
