cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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