every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
bring money and cleavage
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
