hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
