Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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