white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
