You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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