dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
