This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
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I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
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I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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