When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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