May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
