i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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