i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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