New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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