Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You've changed since you got that strap on
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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