Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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