I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
