you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
