We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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