Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
