She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
