i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
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What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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