yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
