Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
