they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
