hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
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vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
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SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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