He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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