so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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