I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
