So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
