got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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