I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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