Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i need to put some appletini on your dick
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
