Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
