I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
