He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
