yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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