I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
