New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
