Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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