Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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