just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
