soooo we both peed the bed last night...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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