Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
