Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm having to shit out rocks
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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