I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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