Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
