You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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