We named our party play list daddy issues
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
