it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
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