how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
3pm strippers are depressing
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
