Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me