NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
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You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.