so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
25 Hilarious ‘Sex Clubs’ You Should Try To Join
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.