He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
