How is your vagina???
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.