I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday