don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize