The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
