youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
