Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
