I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
