I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
